A Curmudgeon's Creed

They call me Curmudgeon
Crosspatch I am he
I rant about the things in life
That really shouldn’t be

Some deem me pessimistic
A miscalculated view
Consider me a realist
Who seeks to tell the truth.

Crusty observation
Is the service that I serve
And here’s a lengthy, loathsome list
Of things that grate my nerves.

The drive-thru at a Starbucks
The mall on Friday night
Food buffets and cruise ships
Large crowds I wanna fight

Tanning beds and speedos
Orange barrels on the road
Skinny jeans, sear sucker suits
Wheat grass with horny goat

Despise the rush-hour traffic
And penny loafers too
Living in Los Angeles
Is something I won’t do

I’ll never get a mani-pedi
Or anything tattooed
Ask a woman’s age or weight
Or when the baby’s due

Won’t wax my back or ballroom dance
Comb-over thinning hair
Float my teeth in Efferdent
Or piercing anywhere

Yeah, they call me Curmudgeon
A moniker that fits
I call them like I see them
A curse that I can’t quit.


Curmudgeon Out!
                                    "Things are not as bad as they seem...they are worse!" - Bill Press

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