1. Add 2/3 cup cool water to container; replace lid tightly.
2. Shake container hard for 30 seconds.
3. Pour batter onto hot greased skillet
4. Wait for bubbles….Flip
These are the directions of how to make pancakes with Bisquick’s “Shake N Pour”. Sounds pretty easy doesn’t it? Five minutes tops from first realizing you want some hot, buttery, griddled goodness to digging in...ending up satisfied and sticky in the strangest of places. My dad use to say he could eat pancakes with a 10-foot fork and still manage to get syrup on his elbow.
So you can imagine how cramped my crumpets got this morning when I learned about the newest convenience for a lazy America…..IHOP-N-GO! THAT’s RIGHT...select parts of the country can now order a short-stack delivered to their door in the same amount of time they could make a mountain of flap-jacks, pay bills, shave, shower and comb the hair on their emotional-support squirrel. Come-on IHOP!
If people don’t have the time (or energy) to flip a flapjack, then they probably should look into freeing up some time in their schedule instead of calling YOU for a Rooty Tooty Fresh & Fruity that’s gonna show up at their door with the texture of a sweet rubber chicken. Just the thought of that crepes me out! While you’re at it, make sure to bring me one of those sanitary syrup racks that’s a 4-bottle habitat for every germ known to man. Yeah...I’ll gladly pay $12 for spongy cakes with a side of ptomaine. Yum Yum! #STOPTHESLOPIHOPSOIWONTHAVE2MOP
"Things aren't as bad as they seem...they're worse!" - Bill Press
Pumping gas is one of life’s mundane chores. It’s simple, it’s singularly focused and I enjoy the fact that I am alone in my thoughts when doing it. It’s kind of like peeing into a urinal. One doesn’t expect (or appreciate) being besieged by outside stimuli during such times of personal solitude.
So you can imagine how my octane spiked (after swiping my card at the local Exxon recently) and being ambushed by “Gas Station TV”. THAT’S RIGHT...unexpectedly smacked in the face and ears by capitalistic, opportunistic, corporate America blasting through a 5-inch screen and cheap, tiny speakers emitting frequencies that made the fillings in my teeth hurt.
WHAT THE SHELL???
I’m sorry, but I don’t need to discover that it’s dumplin day at Cracker Barrel whilst I’m huffing 89 ethanol. Neither do I need to see that My Pillow guy EVER again or get the local weather. I’m IN the weather for crying out loud - fueling up Bessie in order to get to work to support my overt happiness.
Is there no Safeway to Pilot a Kwik Trip to the Gulf without getting my BP up? Can’t one Kum & Go as we please without some ESSO pumping ads in our face at the Petro? It’s time to Circle K the wagons folks and put a stop to this before we’re running on empty. We must Mobil-ize now, LOVE each other and boycott GSTV. Otherwise, our society will continue getting hosed at the pump!
"Things are not as bad as they seem...they're worse" - Bill Press