DANGER….exactly!  This guy should have had a "Danger Will Robinson" t-shirt on with a skull & cross-bones logo.  But lucky me, here I am caught in a crowded room by someone who obviously needs "scoping"…and I don't mean the mouthwash.  The fact is, when this happens to you, it's impossible to concentrate on anything the person is saying.  Instead, I can only retreat to my own, private thoughts in an attempt to withstand the odorous attack;

• Constipated skunk for dinner?
• There's a Walgreens on every corner, and they all sell tongue-scrapers!
• (music)…. "All I Need is the Air that I Breathe"
• Super-Cala-Fragilistic….u-have-Hal-i-Tosis
• You need a filter for that potty-mouth of yours…have you tried charcoal?
• How long have you been practicing dental logiene?
• Instead of the whole foot in your mouth…just chew on the Dr. Scholl's.
• If I WERE a lineman for the county, I'd take you to work with me in case I needed to knock down a telephone pole!
• I might can't spell halitosis…but I know it when I smell it.
• How many drinks did you have at the Hog's Breath Saloon?
• You need Industrial Strength….Curiously Strong (Altoids) won't be enough!

Our sense of smell is a powerful thing.  It's been proven that it can trigger specific memories from our past.  I can assure you all of this; I will never forget this man…nor his breath.  Both have been deposited into my sensory banks for future avoidance…as well as to inspire me to keep a few mints handy for close, impromptu conversations.  Tic-tac?

Curmudgeon Out!

                                   "Things are not as bad as they seem....they're worse!".....Bill Press

So imagine my reaction the other morning as my dental hygienist, Candace, starts pitching me on the newest way to fight gingivitis…a ShowerPik Water Flosser.   THAT'S RIGHT…water flossing while you shower.  Supposedly, a lot of "men" (she said) like this method because it's a time saver in the morning.

This had me contemplating the rest of the time she spent scraping the plague off my molars.  The first thing I thought of was the episode of Seinfeld - when Kramer is trying to be more time-efficient…and starts washing and prepping his produce in the shower.

The fact is, I would probably need a Clarkman disposer installed if I started Shower-Pikin'…especially after "wife's" roast-beef night.  Blast those stringy strands out between my teeth and I'm gonna need some serious horsepower to keep the drains flowing freely.   We've been married 30 years this month - and it's still tough!  (the roast-beef that is).

No thanks Candace!  I know I need to start flossing…and I appreciate your concerned reprimand and suggestions for my gums and overall health.  But I'll just continue with my own routine and brush (and ok occasionally floss) at the bathroom sink.  I'll leave the Pickin' & Grinnin' to Buck & Roy and the whole Hee Haw gang!

Curmudgeon Out!
                                           "Things are not as bad as they seem...they're worse!" - Bill Press