There's so much wrong and inappropriate about this that I don't know where to begin to address it. Therefore, I choose to only contribute to this horrid (and horrifying) idea with additional inappropriateness. I think this funeral-home proprietor should double-down and blow-out this concept by providing a menu of musical themes to add a little "posthumous production" for the mobile mourners. Have them stick a donation in a Jukebox and punch in their personal preference to make one final 3-minute memory with their "close friend" or loved one:
#1 - Disco:
Music: Stayin' Alive - (Bee Gees)
Wardrobe: White Leisure Suit w/ big-collar polyester shirt
Casket: Gold Lame'
#2 - Classic Country:
Music: I’d Be Better Off In A Pine Box - (Doug Stone)
Wardrobe: Nudie Suit
Casket: Pine Box
#3 - Classic Rock:
Music: Another One Bites The Dust - (Queen)
Wardrobe: Spandex & face makeup
Casket: Black Velvet with Skull & Crossbones adornments
#4 - Bluegrass:
Music: Oh Death - (Ralph Stanley)
Wardrobe: Suit & Tie
Casket: Big Fiddle-case
#5 - Western:
Music: Happy Trails - (Roy Rogers)
Wardrobe: Wranglers and a Brush-popper
Casket: The Longhorn
#6 - Elvis: (most expensive)
Music: Intro - Space Odyssey…transition into Return To Sender
Wardrobe: White Jump Suit (complete with eagle & scarf)
Casket: Pink with a Cadillac hood ornament
Snack Included: Deep-fried peanut-butter and banana sandwich
"Thank-you very much"…Uncle Jack-In-The-Box has left the building!
"Things are not as bad as they seem...they are worse"...Bill Press
While nothing surprises me anymore, I am still constantly amazed at this crazy world in which we live. This past week especially highlights that fact. NFL abuse scandals, our President looking directly into the camera and saying ISIS isn't Islamic, Anniversary of 9/11, the semantic smoke & mirrors of not saying "War" when we're about to bomb the crap out of Syria…etc.
Obviously, these are all serious issues and God-sized problems to which I only know to pray and try to take comfort that HE is in ultimate control. I encourage all of you to do the same.
But then there's the low-lying fruit that provides fabulous fodder for your trusty, curmudgeon servant…such as:
Evidently, McDonald's has filed for a patent for the term "McBrunch"…which implies that they are considering offering some of their delicious items to enjoy over a slower-paced weekend "experience" at MickeyDee's. Ummmm, I don't know about you, but just the thought of what scrumptuous fare they plan to roll out makes me want to McPUKE!!! Somebody pass me a bottomless orange-drink McMimosa so I can McDrown myself.
Stores Start Christmas Early
BAH-HUMBUG, BOO…HISS!!! We're just past Labor Day and there are stores in Clearwater Florida already decking their aisles promoting Christmas. K-Mart, Wal-Mart, Hobby Lobby…how about I come and deck you! You may try and pass it off as "consumer demand" but we all know your motive…and it ain't the "reason for the season"! Otherwise, you would wait for the season! Get it??? You greedy, bottom-line focused fools. Don't you corporate Scrooge's realize that; "The most enduring traditions of the season are best enjoyed in the warm embrace of kith and kin. Thith tree is a thymbol of the thpirit of the Griswold family Chrithmath?" (CLICK HERE for the clip)
Thanks for your big-box store mindset and contribution to ruining the anticipation and family/spiritual connection that comes with Christmas. You SUCK!
"Things are not as bad as they seem...they are worse!"....Bill Press
I remember (back in my childhood), going into Mr. Jake's Roadside Diner with my Dad. Daddy would order us each a fried bologna sandwich…and that was that. Jake didn't entertain any options. He fixed it the way he knew would be best and you could either eat it or wear it. Fry that tasty filler-meat in a cast-iron skillet until the outside had those burnt-looking, crusty areas, then slap that meat between two slices of white-bread slathered with mayonnaise (which he pronounced "Mare' -n- aig"). No options! And it was simply delicious…and deliciously simple! Now in contrast...
I dropped by Subway yesterday to pick up a couple of sandwiches and go have lunch with my sweet Mama…who lives right down the street from there. Turkey (for her) and a Tuna for me. It was already 12:45 and I was hungry, so that probably didn't help my mood any...especially toward the family in front of me. Let's call them The Indecisive's; Dad, daughter and son.
Lordy, NONE of them could make up their mind what they wanted on their sandwich. Dad was allowing the kids to pick their veggies and condiments, but they were not tall enough for their voices to carry over the glass in order for the Indian Subway slinger to hear them. To make matters worse, Dad ended up over-ruling his kids' preferences, which led me to quickly surmise he must be super-controlling if he won't let his children pick the peck of pickled peppers that they want on their Sub. The capper though, was that after the slinger had wrapped up their sandwiches, The Indecisive's make one final decision. They now want 2 of them heated…UNBELIEVABLE! For the first time in my life, I have something in common with flat meat - we're both about to go nuclear!!!
If you count the possible options above (and I'm sure I left a few out), there is a combination of 56 choices and/or decisions that you have to make…TO ORDER A SANDWICH! No wonder The Indecisive's can't make up their minds….they're overwhelmed by this complex sandwich-making process.
So listen up America, I want fewer options! Fewer salad dressings, brands of toothpaste, bar-b-que sauces, cereal, deodorants, shampoos, tv channels, flavored water…etc. There are enough major choices that we have to make in life without cluttering up our minds with insignificant ones like 9-grain wheat or 9-grain honey oat. I bet nobody could guess one from the other in a blind taste test so why bother? Variety is no longer the spice of life...it's the source of strife!
"Things are not as bad as they seem....they are worse!" - Bill Press