"All I Need Is The Air That I Breathe"

Have you ever been snagged into an unsolicited conversation with a virtual stranger, only to realize after the first few seconds that they have (what I usually refer to as) "deep breath".    Well, it happened to me (again) over the weekend at an event that "wife" and I were attending - and the oral stench must have compromised my olfactory sensors because I cannot even smell my own coffee this morning…which is one of the few joys in life to which I look forward.

According to the NIDCD (National Institute on Deafness and Other Communication Disorders): your sense of smell helps you enjoy life. It's also a warning system, alerting you to danger signals such as a gas leak, spoiled food, or a fire.

DANGER….exactly!  This guy should have had a "Danger Will Robinson" t-shirt on with a skull & cross-bones logo.  But lucky me, here I am caught in a crowded room by someone who obviously needs "scoping"…and I don't mean the mouthwash.  The fact is, when this happens to you, it's impossible to concentrate on anything the person is saying.  Instead, I can only retreat to my own, private thoughts in an attempt to withstand the odorous attack;

• Constipated skunk for dinner?
• There's a Walgreens on every corner, and they all sell tongue-scrapers!
• (music)…. "All I Need is the Air that I Breathe"
• Super-Cala-Fragilistic….u-have-Hal-i-Tosis
• You need a filter for that potty-mouth of yours…have you tried charcoal?
• How long have you been practicing dental logiene?
• Instead of the whole foot in your mouth…just chew on the Dr. Scholl's.
• If I WERE a lineman for the county, I'd take you to work with me in case I needed to knock down a telephone pole!
• I might can't spell halitosis…but I know it when I smell it.
• How many drinks did you have at the Hog's Breath Saloon?
• You need Industrial Strength….Curiously Strong (Altoids) won't be enough!

Our sense of smell is a powerful thing.  It's been proven that it can trigger specific memories from our past.  I can assure you all of this; I will never forget this man…nor his breath.  Both have been deposited into my sensory banks for future avoidance…as well as to inspire me to keep a few mints handy for close, impromptu conversations.  Tic-tac?

Curmudgeon Out!

                                   "Things are not as bad as they seem....they're worse!".....Bill Press