...And I Approve This Message!

Today is our country’s mid-term election day.  I don’t know about you, but the candidates where I live are slim pick-ins.  The primary ones make me want to puke when they regurgitate their over-rehearsed, verbal vomit - and the other candidates are mostly nondescript, barely able to make enough noise to even familiarize voters with their names...much less their stance on the issues.   But this is AMERICA...land of the free, home of the brave and the Republic for which I stand.  Therefore, I consider it my rightful privilege and duty to educate myself on the candidates best I can, (and their platforms), and to vote my conscience and for my beliefs.  I encourage you all to do the same!

Considering the lackluster candidates on these mid-term ballots - along with the ones already campaigning for the upcoming 2016 Presidential Election, I’ve decided to throw my political hat in the ring and run for President myself!  So look out Harry Reid & John Boehner...there’s soon gonna be a Curmudgeon in the White House that will not hesitate to slap the snotty cynicism out of one of you - and the fake QT orange tan off the other.  I believe this act alone will unite the two parties!  

Besides that first order of business; however, I would immediately sharpen my Presidential pen and invoke the following Executive Orders to make this a better country:

• Starbucks can no longer serve food or have a drive-thru.  
• The Travel Security Association (TSA) will be shut down immediately and there shall be no more security checks or "getting felt-up" at airports. Instead, the airline boarding agent will arm every adult as they enter the plane with a Smith & Wesson 45-caliber...loaded with 1 bullet each.  Passengers will turn them in at the end of the flight as they de-board the plane.
• Mexican restaurants will maintain at least a 1-mile radius of each other.
• There will be no more feminine hygiene or male ED commercials allowed on the airwaves.
• Retail & grocery stores will return to the day and tradition of being closed on Sundays.
• If you drive longer than 1 mile past orange barrels that are blocking a lane, and you have not seen 1 human being working...you are hereby permitted and pardoned to run over the remaining barrels up to the point of seeing actual work being done.
• Comcast / Xfinity will be shut down and their corporate headquarters imploded.  This includes customer service call centers in Fiji.
• Mattress stores will maintain at least a 1-mile radius of each other.

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• The above 3 men are hereby bound from ever appearing on television again:  
•      "Dr." Panchorek (Alteril)
•      "Chef" Tony
•      Dude with the eyebrows that sells Shark vacuum cleaners.
• All Americans will be limited to 3 hours of internet access per day.
• The word “like” will be stricken from the English vocabulary.
• Smart phones will immediately self-destruct if you attempt to text more than 148 characters in one message.

​My name is Curmudgeon...and I approve this message!

Curmudgeon Out!
                          “Things are not as bad as they seem...they’re worse!” - Bill Press