Baboons & Blue Bell

Another restless night of interrupted sleep patterns and random thoughts that wiz past my brain at warp speed .  Big Sis (a retired nurse), says there is a medical term for this condition called "Flight of Ideas".  It's quite entertaining really.  One moment I'm thinking about a family member or an issue at work and then…BAM, I'm seeing baboons eating Blue Bell out of a PF Flyer shoebox.  Go figure.

Well, last night I was able to stop the flight and focus for a few minutes due to another commercial with one of those ridiculous medicine names.  This one is called Farxiga…a new drug for the treatment of Type 2 diabetes.  Great, (I thought), America probably needs this.  But it also made me ponder; 

Who in the name of Marcus Welby is in charge of naming these drugs?  Farxiga?  It sounds more like a treatment for leaky individuals.  "Since I've been taking Farxiga, I no longer get those accusatory looks in the elevator.  My life literally used to stink, but not anymore thanks to Farxiga!  It's changed my life…along with my co-workers".

Anyway, it prompted me to jot down a few of my own new drug ideas to pitch to Merck and Phizer to develop;

• Focussin:  While you may think this is for the A.D.D. patient, it's not.  Focussin is for the redneck that can't control their potty-mouth in public.  Take two of these and shut up!

• Noazzatall:  Growth hormone for those who always wanted a booty like J.Lo

• Lawdhepmeleevym:  For the wife who just can't take it anymore.

• Rotsaruck:  Asian drug that doctors prescribe when they don't have a clue what you've contracted.

• Scratcharoni:  Medicated salve for the promiscuous in San Francisco

• Vocatoonin:  Now everyone can sing.  Take two of these and get a record deal.
• Jubilia:  Stimulates happiness in curmudgeons. (sign me up!)

• Sicarunin:  For the treatment of diarrhea OR...a stimulant that induces one to exercise.

• Scruital:  When you've finally given up.

Dr. Curmudgeon, MD - Out!
                                           "Things are not as bad as they seem...they are worse!" - Bill Press