Holidays and Nose Hair
Valentine's Day is just around the corner, which prompts me to start thinking about going to sort through those pitifully-written cards at the Hallmark store. You know the one's of which I gripe. The outside of the card says something like: "You're My Everything" or "I'm The World's Luckiest Man", or "Until I Found You, I Couldn't Dress Myself".
In my case, the Hallmark Store is right by Great Clips, so I can make this a two-for-one outing and get my Phillipino baby (Grace) to cut my hair(s); including eyebrows, nose, and ears. I think of Grace as an ENT doctor for grooming grumpy old men. I normally tip her more than the haircut cost, simply because I know it has to disgust her. It's disgusts me.
On the subject of Valentine's Day. I did some quick research to see the origins of this Holiday - which with my ADD-method of Google Searching, led me to this website: www.holidayinsights.com
Here, I ran into a goldmine of curmudgeon-y reasons to despise a lot of holidays. After all, holidays cost money as well as create a fair amount of guilt and anxiety that if I choose not participate, I am an awful person!!! A fair percentage of them were created just to try and stimulate sluggish economic periods, and some of them were just created by some lame-brain with nothing better to do. But somehow, they all seem to stick. For instance:
Feb. 4th - Thank A Mailman Day
OK…thanks for delivering my mail and leaving me that note that I've got bagworms on my blue spruce tree out front. Shouldn't you be watching where you're driving? There are kids in the neighborhood. Oh, and by the way, you should be brushing up that resume - in case you don't know, the USPS posted a 5-BILLION dollar loss last year. That's a deficit of $13.6M per day! But don't worry, raising that stamp to 49 cents will probably take care of it.
Feb. 8th - Kite Flying Day
What Einstein chose Feb. 8th for this holiday??? I'm looking out my window right now in Nashville. It's snowing and 29 degrees. PERFECT day to fly a kite with my kid and catch the flu.
Feb 14th - Valentine's Day is also Ferris Wheel Day & National Donor Day
Here's my heart…coming 'round again…Take it!
Feb 17th - Random Acts of Kindness Day
Yeah…right. Mine will be to refrain from giving you the finger when you cut me off on the interstate when I'm trying to get to work to support my happiness.
Feb 20th - Love Your Pet Day
Don't even get me started.
There's pretty much one for each day if you care to look. For me, it's all I can do to remember and tolerate the more traditional ones. Hopefully, my beautiful wife and children understand…and will continue to tolerate me. I think they will as long as I drop in to see Grace from time to time to make sure I have 2 eyebrows.
"Things are not as bad as they seem. They are worse." ~Bill Press
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