I'm sitting here trying to stomach the nightly news when up pops the ultra-creepy "Big Hunka Love Bear" commercial that they feature every year just before Valentine's Day. The innuendos sicken me to the point of contemplating grabbing my wife's skeet gun and blasting that 4-foot overstuffed Smokey wanna-be back to Vermont …however;
In lieu of terrorizing my family by screaming "I'm Gonna Kill Big Hunka" and a shoot-out with my Samsung, I choose to redirect my wrath by listing the top-ten commercials that I loathe and hope to never see again! Feel free to join in closet curmudgeons.
#10: Sham Wow & Slap Chop (same goob, different products, equally annoying)
# 9: Two Guys in the car at Sonic - I despise these two pencil-neck wimps and their stupid, meaningless, pathetic, repartee that makes me want to slap the tater tots out of them.
# 8: K-Mart's Joe Boxer Commercial
# 7: Progressive Commercials with Flo - these would be way better if they would dig up the original "kiss my grits" Flo from the tv show "Alice"...or was it Mel's diner? I bet Mel would've slapped that slap-chop guy by the way.
# 6: The Bacon Bowl - Ummm...looks so appetizing. I hope my branflakes can soak up some of that bacon fat. This makes me ill.
# 5: Kay Jewelers - Open Heart Necklace. You know the one where the guy is giving his future step-daughter the same necklace as his fiance'….CREEPY!!!
# 4: PC Matic - Last time this came on, I actually counted how many times they say PC Matic in 60secs....SIXTEEN! Somebody kill me. Don't believe it? Watch it here:
# 3: Reverse Mortgage with Fred Thompson - At least they picked the appropriate pitch-man for this product. He ran his Presidential campaign the same way...in reverse. WAKE UP FRED...you're still alive!
# 2: J.G. Wentworth - Opera Commercial
# 1: Guard Your Manhood Depends - Believe me, if I start leaking one day, I will seek out the proper assistance without you having to advertise it. I would rather Tony Siragusa build me a man-cave fortress to block the transmission of these types of commercials forevermore.
"Things are not as bad as they seem. They are worse." ~Bill Press