Spice of Life...or Source of Strife???

I remember (back in my childhood), going into Mr. Jake's Roadside Diner with my Dad.  Daddy would order us each a fried bologna sandwich…and that was that.  Jake didn't entertain any options.  He fixed it the way he knew would be best and you could either eat it or wear it.  Fry that tasty filler-meat in a cast-iron skillet until the outside had those burnt-looking, crusty areas, then slap that meat between two slices of white-bread slathered with mayonnaise (which he pronounced "Mare' -n- aig").  No options!  And it was simply delicious…and deliciously simple!  Now in contrast...

I dropped by Subway yesterday to pick up a couple of sandwiches and go have lunch with my sweet Mama…who lives right down the street from there.  Turkey (for her) and a Tuna for me.  It was already 12:45 and I was hungry, so that probably didn't help my mood any...especially toward the family in front of me.  Let's call them The Indecisive's; Dad, daughter and son.

Lordy, NONE of them could make up their mind what they wanted on their sandwich. Dad was allowing the kids to pick their veggies and condiments, but they were not tall enough for their voices to carry over the glass in order for the Indian Subway slinger to hear them.  To make matters worse, Dad ended up over-ruling his kids' preferences, which led me to quickly surmise he must be super-controlling if he won't let his children pick the peck of pickled peppers that they want on their Sub.  The capper though, was that after the slinger had wrapped up their sandwiches, The Indecisive's make one final decision.  They now want 2 of them heated…UNBELIEVABLE!  For the first time in my life, I have something in common with flat meat - we're both about to go nuclear!!!

That's when it occurred to me - as I was staring at the glass counter (at the end where you start your order).  I saw the "How To Order" instructions on the glass and quickly realized that this whole scene is not The Indecisive's fault.  The fault lies with Subway…too many Steps…too many options:

• Step 1:  Sub or Salad?
• Step 2:  Select your bread - (there are 5 choices).  9-grain Wheat, 9-Grain Honey Oat, Italian, Italian Herb & Cheese & Flatbread
• Step 3:  Select your size - 6-inch or Footlong?
• Step 4:  Flavorize:  (this is from their website): Flavorize it!  There's meat, eggs & veggies.  There's warm subs, cold cuts and melts.  There's spicy, indulgent and better for you options.  There's breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Whatever you're craving, Subway Restaurants have it all!  Choose your favorite flavor, or try something new.
• Step 5:  Cheese/Extras:  American, Monterey Cheddar, Pepper Jack, Swiss, Provolone, bacon, pepperoni
• Step 6:  Veggies: Lettuce, tomatoes, green peppers, banana peppers, jalapeno peppers, onions, cucumbers, spinach, black olives.
• Step 7: Choose your sauce or dressing:  Ranch, Lite or Regular Mayo, Chipotle Southwest, Fat free Honey mustard, sweet onion, red wine vinegar and mustard - regular or spicy.
• Step 8:  Spices:  Oregano, Salt & Pepper, Parmesan, Red pepper flakes
• Step 9:  Make it a meal?  Choose your chips (from another plethora of choices), or apple slices, yogurt, drink options, cookies.
• Step 10:  Eat-in or Take-out?

If you count the possible options above (and I'm sure I left a few out), there is a combination of 56 choices and/or decisions that you have to make…TO ORDER A SANDWICH!  No wonder The Indecisive's can't make up their minds….they're overwhelmed by this complex sandwich-making process. 

So listen up America, I want fewer options!  Fewer salad dressings, brands of toothpaste, bar-b-que sauces, cereal, deodorants, shampoos, tv channels, flavored water…etc.  There are enough major choices that we have to make in life without cluttering up our minds with insignificant ones like 9-grain wheat or 9-grain honey oat.  I bet nobody could guess one from the other in a blind taste test so why bother?  Variety is no longer the spice of life...it's the source of strife!

Curmudgeon Out!


                            "Things are not as bad as they seem....they are worse!" - Bill Press