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Uncle Jack-In-The-Box Has Left The Building

9/17/2014

1 Comment

 
Apparently, a funeral home in Saginaw, Michigan has created a drive-thru lane where mourners can pull up to a display window - triggering automatic curtains to open and reveal the deceased body lying in a casket.  (CLICK HERE for story).  Simultaneously, music starts to play overhead and continues for 3 minutes…at which time the music concludes and the curtains close.  You then pull away, having paid your drive-thru respects to the dearly departed.  There's even a slide-out drawer where you can sign the guest-book, as well as a deposit opening for leaving donations, cards or memory items.  

Awe…how warm, fuzzy & personal is this???
There's so much wrong and inappropriate about this that I don't know where to begin to address it.  Therefore, I choose to only contribute to this horrid (and horrifying) idea with additional inappropriateness.   I think this funeral-home proprietor should double-down and blow-out this concept by providing a menu of musical themes to add a little "posthumous production" for the mobile mourners.  Have them stick a donation in a Jukebox and punch in their personal preference to make one final 3-minute memory with their "close friend" or loved one:  
#1 - Disco:
Music: Stayin' Alive - (Bee Gees)
Wardrobe:  White Leisure Suit w/ big-collar polyester shirt
Casket:  Gold Lame'

#2 - Classic Country:
Music: I’d Be Better Off In A Pine Box - (Doug Stone)
Wardrobe: Nudie Suit
Casket:  Pine Box

#3 - Classic Rock:
Music:  Another One Bites The Dust - (Queen)
Wardrobe:  Spandex & face makeup
Casket: Black Velvet with Skull & Crossbones adornments

#4 - Bluegrass:  
Music:  Oh Death - (Ralph Stanley)
Wardrobe:  Suit & Tie
Casket:  Big Fiddle-case


#5 - Western:  
Music:  Happy Trails - (Roy Rogers)
Wardrobe:  Wranglers and a Brush-popper
Casket:  The Longhorn

#6 - Elvis: (most expensive)
Music:  Intro - Space Odyssey…transition into Return To Sender
Wardrobe:  White Jump Suit (complete with eagle & scarf)
Casket: Pink with a Cadillac hood ornament
Snack Included:  Deep-fried peanut-butter and banana sandwich


"Thank-you very much"…Uncle Jack-In-The-Box has left the building!

Curmudgeon Out!

                                     "Things are not as bad as they seem...they are worse"...Bill Press

1 Comment
Juli Hood
9/16/2014 10:37:09 pm

Thanks for the morning laugh!! Hope you plan on compiling these in a book!!

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