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How appropriate is it that the network carrying the Winter Olympics is NBC? Because in this case, NBC stands for NoBodyCares.
The ratings have been pitiful and Bob Costas' pink eye has taken the Gold by garnering more attention than any skating, skiing, or curling event that make up these stale, tired games. Growing up in the Low country of South Carolina, we rarely had ice or snow...so it's difficult for me to relate to these athletes or events. Our version of the luge was sliding down some dead, brown grass of an overpass bridge lying atop a large, waxed piece of cardboard that we stole from the hardware store dumpster. While I can appreciate the beauty and grace of some of the skating & skiing events, how much of a world-class "athlete" do you really have to be to ride a sled down a tube or use a broom to dust off the ice in front of a sliding anvil? Instead, what if at the next Winter Olympics they changed the events to where they were more entertaining and risky like that show WipeOut? I guarantee you the ratings would improve, and people would start paying attention to the Olympics again with events like:
Curmudgeon Out "Things are not as bad as they seem. They are worse." ~Bill Press
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Achy Breaky Heart was already at the top of my most offensive songs ever, simply because of the line in the song that says; "myself already knows I'm not okay".
A gimmicky song that managed to launch a career, massacre the English language and sell millions of albums for the Flatwoods, Ky native whom I think of every time I hear the phrase "dumber than a bag full of hammers". Until yesterday, that was just my opinion. In case you haven't heard, BRC has issued an awful rap remix (and video) of 'Achy Breaky Heart' featuring mostly-naked, twerking girls. While I did open the video and watch about the first 30 seconds, it burned my retinas and I shut it down quickly in disgust and sorrow. I thought about and prayed for him, Miley, and his family because it truly DID ache and break my heart. It also made me think about being a better Father by reminding me that: The Tree grows the apple that doesn't fall far from it. Curmudgeon Out "Things are not as bad as they seem. They are worse." ~Bill Press  I'm sitting here trying to stomach the nightly news when up pops the ultra-creepy "Big Hunka Love Bear" commercial that they feature every year just before Valentine's Day. The innuendos sicken me to the point of contemplating grabbing my wife's skeet gun and blasting that 4-foot overstuffed Smokey wanna-be back to Vermont …however;
In lieu of terrorizing my family by screaming "I'm Gonna Kill Big Hunka" and a shoot-out with my Samsung, I choose to redirect my wrath by listing the top-ten commercials that I loathe and hope to never see again! Feel free to join in closet curmudgeons. #10: Sham Wow & Slap Chop (same goob, different products, equally annoying) # 9: Two Guys in the car at Sonic - I despise these two pencil-neck wimps and their stupid, meaningless, pathetic, repartee that makes me want to slap the tater tots out of them. # 8: K-Mart's Joe Boxer Commercial # 7: Progressive Commercials with Flo - these would be way better if they would dig up the original "kiss my grits" Flo from the tv show "Alice"...or was it Mel's diner? I bet Mel would've slapped that slap-chop guy by the way. # 6: The Bacon Bowl - Ummm...looks so appetizing. I hope my branflakes can soak up some of that bacon fat. This makes me ill. # 5: Kay Jewelers - Open Heart Necklace. You know the one where the guy is giving his future step-daughter the same necklace as his fiance'….CREEPY!!! # 4: PC Matic - Last time this came on, I actually counted how many times they say PC Matic in 60secs....SIXTEEN! Somebody kill me. Don't believe it? Watch it here: # 3: Reverse Mortgage with Fred Thompson - At least they picked the appropriate pitch-man for this product. He ran his Presidential campaign the same way...in reverse. WAKE UP FRED...you're still alive! # 2: J.G. Wentworth - Opera Commercial # 1: Guard Your Manhood Depends - Believe me, if I start leaking one day, I will seek out the proper assistance without you having to advertise it. I would rather Tony Siragusa build me a man-cave fortress to block the transmission of these types of commercials forevermore. Honorable Mention:
Curmudgeon Out "Things are not as bad as they seem. They are worse." ~Bill Press Forget Al Queda folks, we have a new public enemy #1…Gluten!
Cite any ailment or problem and you're likely to hear it;
Whoever the marketing person is for gluten-free, I want to hire them because they have done a jam-up job. Wait, does jam have gluten in it? Maybe I shouldn't use it. Sure, there are people (approx 1% of Americans) that have celiac disease and a gluten-free diet is essential for their quality of life. But according to Peter H.R. Green, MD, director of the Celiac Disease Center at Columbia University…"most of the people who reach for gluten-free products don’t have celiac disease and or even a sensitivity to wheat." So, let's back off the gluten attack a little because frankly, I like knowing that my Nilla Wafers are packed with gluten…it's probably what gives them that tasty texture when I saturate those delicious, wheat-filled cookies in my mouth with my lactose-laden milk. Curmudgeon Out. " Things are not as bad as they seem. They are worse." ~Bill Press  Before I go off on my rant this morning, let me say that I like the Robertson's, and I enjoy and appreciate their show, their walk in life and their passion to spread the important message of family values…BUT
I got my feathers ruffled yesterday morning when I stopped in the local Publix to pick up some Bunny Bread and eggs for my Mother. As I'm meandering toward the dairy section - there they are - right next to the Sushi bar (which makes me wonder…how bad of a sushi chef do you have to be that the only gig you can get is Hermitage Publix?) It was a cardboard newsstand of 2014 calendars for sale, and right there in the middle of them was DUCK DYNASTY. While I understand that DD is a CC (Duck Dynasty is a Cash Cow), It dawned on me this morning that they have milked it enough and I call FOWL. Just like me, Phil, Jase, Uncle Si and Willie should NEVER have high-resolution pictures taken…EVER. Neither should those ill-advised pictures show up in my local grocery store. It's like a duck out of …… It's time for an Intervention my web-footed friends. Someone needs to grab Phil's shotgun and shoot-down any more ill-advised licensing deals to keep cynics and skeptics like me from wondering about their true motive at this point. Is it to spread family values? Or the root of all evil? I'm not judging mind you…just observing by Peking in. You'll get my 'bill' later. Curmudgeon Out "Things are not as bad as they seem. They are worse." ~Bill Press Today's Latest & Most Popular Headlines (this is my selective mash-up from CNN, FoxNews & USAToday)
How weird is it that all of these headlines show up together? I don't know about you, but the one most alarming to me (and there's a LOT to be alarmed about) is; "Iran sending warships close to US borders". WHAT? How does that belong in the same lineup as "Cat bite often turns into hospital stay"? Even I'm not cynical enough to believe that there is conspiracy between these three news outlets to try and hypnotize me or to divert my attention from becoming educated about the more critical current issues. Instead, I feel certain it's about advertising sales and keeping visitors on their sites for longer periods of time...hoping they will click on one of those aggravating pop-up ads or watch the commercials on the front of the video. Nonetheless, isn't it easy to be captured and numbed by the information overload of the 24/7 news cycles, social media streams...etc. with so much content to draw us in. Lord, grant me the wisdom and discernment to sift through the endless noise of today's brain-candy and salaciousness. Provide me with the ability to quickly pinpoint (and be affected) by the events and issues that are worthy of my thoughts, prayers and actions. Help me to "set my affection on things above and not on things on the earth"...Col. 3:2 Curmudgeon Out "Things are not as bad as they seem. They are worse." ~Bill Press Valentine's Day is just around the corner, which prompts me to start thinking about going to sort through those pitifully-written cards at the Hallmark store. You know the one's of which I gripe. The outside of the card says something like: "You're My Everything" or "I'm The World's Luckiest Man", or "Until I Found You, I Couldn't Dress Myself". In my case, the Hallmark Store is right by Great Clips, so I can make this a two-for-one outing and get my Phillipino baby (Grace) to cut my hair(s); including eyebrows, nose, and ears. I think of Grace as an ENT doctor for grooming grumpy old men. I normally tip her more than the haircut cost, simply because I know it has to disgust her. It's disgusts me. On the subject of Valentine's Day. I did some quick research to see the origins of this Holiday - which with my ADD-method of Google Searching, led me to this website: www.holidayinsights.com
Here, I ran into a goldmine of curmudgeon-y reasons to despise a lot of holidays. After all, holidays cost money as well as create a fair amount of guilt and anxiety that if I choose not participate, I am an awful person!!! A fair percentage of them were created just to try and stimulate sluggish economic periods, and some of them were just created by some lame-brain with nothing better to do. But somehow, they all seem to stick. For instance: Feb. 4th - Thank A Mailman Day OK…thanks for delivering my mail and leaving me that note that I've got bagworms on my blue spruce tree out front. Shouldn't you be watching where you're driving? There are kids in the neighborhood. Oh, and by the way, you should be brushing up that resume - in case you don't know, the USPS posted a 5-BILLION dollar loss last year. That's a deficit of $13.6M per day! But don't worry, raising that stamp to 49 cents will probably take care of it. Feb. 8th - Kite Flying Day What Einstein chose Feb. 8th for this holiday??? I'm looking out my window right now in Nashville. It's snowing and 29 degrees. PERFECT day to fly a kite with my kid and catch the flu. Feb 14th - Valentine's Day is also Ferris Wheel Day & National Donor Day Here's my heart…coming 'round again…Take it! Feb 17th - Random Acts of Kindness Day Yeah…right. Mine will be to refrain from giving you the finger when you cut me off on the interstate when I'm trying to get to work to support my happiness. Feb 20th - Love Your Pet Day Don't even get me started. There's pretty much one for each day if you care to look. For me, it's all I can do to remember and tolerate the more traditional ones. Hopefully, my beautiful wife and children understand…and will continue to tolerate me. I think they will as long as I drop in to see Grace from time to time to make sure I have 2 eyebrows. Curmudgeon Out "Things are not as bad as they seem. They are worse." ~Bill Press 5:42 am - I'm sipping my 1st cup of coffee, sitting in a chair facing the corner in the dark alone. It’s my favorite part of the day. Reluctantly, I decide to turn on the TV to check out (and to gripe about) this cold, crappy weather we’ve been having the past few weeks.
Between the weather and traffic report (and to my disgust), they run a feature spot on the apparent latest craze…."Meggings". THAT's RIGHT…spandex leggings (aka Yoga Pants) for ah-hem….Men. I don't know about you, but I could get nauseous thinking about these things showing up on the street. http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2014/01/24/meggings-male-leggings-style/4767775/ It's hard enough to avoid being visually assaulted by the camel-toe phenomenon that’s been sweeping the nation…created by women deciding that ultra-thin leggings are pants and should be worn without a shirt long enough to cover up their parted mystery. But now with the rising popularity of “Meggings”, I will have to divert my path (in order to keep from gouging my eyes out) whenever I see Metro-Mikey strutting my way…knowing that the only thing keeping his Frank-N-Beans from swaying freely in the wind is a thin layer of spandex called “Meggings”. Okay...now I AM nauseous....Puke! Curmudgeon Out! "Things are not as bad as they seem. They are worse." ~Bill Press |
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